The husband came home from work and saw his wife seem tired, so he approached and asked:
– What is it that you look tired? –
He asked at the right time! I’ve just finished cleaning the house, I’m tired of fainting! Cook rice, wash dishes, clean the house, and there’s a bunch of unwashed things … but it’s hotter today than usual. If only there was an air conditioner …
Husband thought to himself, “My wife seems dissatisfied. Is she blaming me for not installing the air conditioner in her house? Maybe she wants me to make even more money … ”
Frustrated, her husband replied:
– I don’t see how hot it is. Please take a little trouble. Maybe next month he can install the air conditioner, this month not enough money!
The wife felt that her husband was angry with her, so she was upset. She thought to herself, “Does my husband mean that I do not fulfill my wife’s duty but keep complaining all day long?”
Thinking so, she replied:
– Why are you suddenly angry with me? I just shared that, but did not ask for anything?
Hearing my wife say that, the more my husband is sure he is demanding him. He thought to himself, “Does my wife mean I can’t help her? Am I a futile husband who doesn’t make a lot of money, doesn’t take care of her fully? ”
Probably struck with his thoughts, he replied:
– Obviously I’m asking, but nothing else!
My wife feels upset because it is clear that my husband is the one who actively asked me first, I just forced my mouth to complain a little, hoping for sympathy, who would be blamed. She thought that from now on, she wouldn’t even share anything with her husband. As for the husband, the wife thinks that the wife is always dissatisfied with her and does not understand her burden.
Lesson learned from this situation: One of the needs of women is to “share emotions”, while one of the instincts of men is “problem solving”. When these two factors meet, it is easy to have an argument because the two do not understand each other.
When a wife shares her feelings, the husband is struck by his problem-solving instinct. He linked his wife’s negative feelings to her request to deal with her problems, and that made him feel pressured, even though his wife merely wanted to release her feelings. Miss.
– If the wife complains that she is too busy with housework, her husband may think that she is asking her to buy a bigger, nicer house, and hire a maid to help her. happy.
– If the wife complains that she is under pressure at the company, the husband easily thinks that she is wanting him to make more money so that she does not have to work, not under pressure at work.
– If the wife complains about the weather, the living space, the neighbor’s house … the husband easily thinks that she wants to move to a better place, the living conditions are more comfortable than the current place.
In other words, his problem-solving instinct urges him to do something to “deal with” his wife’s negative feelings, not knowing that as long as he sympathizes and encourages her is enough. When a man is in this situation, he usually has one of two ways to react: Either he pushes away his wife’s feelings, trying to prove to her that things are not as bad as she thought. Or he will work harder to provide for the family more fully, so the relationship between the couple is more and more distant.
In this case, a psychological wife will understand her husband’s feelings and know how to help him remove the burden.If the husband overreacts, the wife can say:
– Yes, I know you also work very hard, so it’s okay to wait for next month to buy an air conditioner. Although moving the house is a bit tiring, but I feel very happy because you are always interested in asking me questions.
On the other hand, from a husband’s perspective, when a wife shares negative feelings with him, he should be a little more subtle and put aside his problem-solving instincts to encourage and sympathize with. Miss. The wife will be very happy with her husband’s mentality.
You just need to say:
– Poor me, I’m so hard. Do you need my help?